10.10.10

Later on is October 10, 2010.. As that specific date approaches.. my heart is steadily crossing over a bridge of emotions.. If I'm not careful.. I might crash.. Ha. I'm so emo-ish what in the world is wrong with me?

I want to repair my heart.. Like I always say, why is a human's heart fluttering?

I'm irritated.. My first poem was because of that person.. and until now I continue on making succeeding poems of unwanted emotions.. I really wanted to throw them away.. but it just keeps on reviving by itself..

Like in every heartbeat.. It's gone, but after awhile it's there again. It's hard to recover in every breath.. Lord, I know that You know why I'm feeling like this.

Lord this I pray... Today and tomorrow and forever as the day goes on... I'd be able to let go...

I want the art of letting go..

At one point, I promised that I won't get hurt. At one point, I thought these feelings would avert.. Once upon a time, there's a me who cried... Because of cryptic messages that made me abide.



alot of emotions would be better, just not this...

Kuse ni naruwa~ :D

I think I've fallen for you... but I don't know... I don't know...I don't want to sacrifice a friendship so precious to me..~

 Ayeh I'm crazy xD. HAHA.. nevermind...


The thing is...


Life isn't being nice to me right now..


Oh wells..


I love and I don't even know if it's true,,


okay .. kuse ni naruwa boy, so that I may grant it..


I know I'm just seriously out of it today..


das, desufnoc~..
-SHIM HAE RIN; AYUMI SAKURA

Never knew I was possessive..

It would be so much better if I ignored it.

A human's emotion is fluttering, full of spirit and free will... I chose to notice it and by noticing it I didn't even realize it flourished altogether by itself throughout the years.. Is this part of the growing pains one has to go through? I must say, it's difficult... painful... more than I could have imagined.. I always asked myself why I did that. I always wanted to hate myself for that one thing.. God told me I should never do that though..


As a result.. it means suppressing emotions, even from before there was a small percentage of chance, I don't even know why I even thought that it would eventually change.. Well it did change.. it intensified...


Don't understand myself, I also still can't let go of someone who's so important to me.. Making me smile... comforted and happy, that person was never a liability to me.. Except when I get worried.. opposite goes for the other one..


Never knew I was so possessive.. I feel afraid and anxious of my own emotions but until now.. I still can't help but realize that all these clamors in my head would've gone if I ignored long ago..

In a world of silence

In a world of silence, that is where I want to be..

A place where it wouldn't be you I see..

Somewhere where I won't think it's always been her

That in your heart there has been no other...

My accountability over my emotions is depleting..

I want to let go, but it won't let me..

Something keeps me from holding on..

But I'm also clutching on the other.. unwilling to let it go..

Maybe I can think of a life without the other..

But as for the other, I needed that bother..

If only I could pluck out the stars out of the heavens..

Just for me to be able to wish that your heart,mind and soul would be mine..

• I'm just bored..
• I'm unusually bothered...
• I'm full of mystified thoughts..
• I don't decode cryptic signals..
• I don't know why I should care..

-Shim Hae Rin.. 

The Voice of an Angel

His description was near to perfection,

He was any girl’s sweetest dream

But just like how he could make any girl squeal in delight..

He caused damaged to the first girl of his dreams.

Will a guy like him with a voice of an angel be forgiven?

A/N: You’ll appreciate this story more if you listen to these songs while reading..

>Today I broke up – Younha

>White Lies – DBSK: composed by Xiah

>Romantic – SHINee

>In my Room –SHINee

>Don’t say goodbye – DBSK

>Forgive me – sang by Kyuhyun ;D

*Another thing, I know you can’t speak Korean therefore find some subtitles Haha.. Enjoy~

Well it’s just a suggestion if you don’t want to, it’s okay :D Haha.

There are a series of flashbacks here so please don’t be confused. Also the Italic sentences are lyrics to the song ‘White Lies’. It’s a really beautiful song, composed by my Xiah Junsu~

It was raining that day, raindrops trickled upon the rooftop of his room, and His beautiful neckline was exposed as he leaned upon the moistened window that changed due to the moody temperature. He looked out the window, then he sees her face, he looked again then he sighs.

How could he have been so foolish?

Wasn’t letting go of her the right choice?

It must have been, right? He was an idol and all, He knew he wouldn’t be able to be there for her whenever she needed to. No matter how much he wanted to call, he couldn’t and he wouldn’t even dare to. He would be useless to her, right?

If so, why is he feeling so much pain and burden upon his chest?

He opened a can of soda with the fizz reaching his ears. He took a sip after that he contemplated once again in what he just did.

“Kyuhyun-ah~” A familiar voice called out to him. He took a glance behind and there he found Sungmin sitting just right behind him all the time.

Sungmin gave him a bright smile, the usual smile he always had even during casual days, he then spoke, “Kyuhyun-sshi, listen to Xiah-hyung’s song ‘White Lies’, I’m sure it’ll help you.”

Just how did Sungmin know what Kyuhyun needed? A smile slowly crept back to the bewildered Kyuhyun’s face, He then answered, “Thanks hyung, anyway why are you still awake?”

“Nothing, it’s just that it’s raining and the noise has been bothering me quite a bit, and it also doesn’t help that I see our dongsaeng sighing on a window…” He chuckled, “You know if you were waiting for the window to answer you then you should have told me.”

Kyuhyun stifled a laugh but he immediately returned to his sober mood, “I’ll try listening to the song you suggested hyung.”

With that, he left his hyung and lied down the soft bed but as simple as it seems, lying down seemed like the first step to cruelty. Even in the ceilings, he could see her image, her pearly white smile, her shiny wavy black hair, even the way she moves and talk. Everything was like a repeating movie to him, it was suffocating and he got irritated each moment he thought about it.

Kyuhyun picked up his music player, he started searching for the song. To his surprise, he actually had the song White Lies. His fragile fingers fumbled through the keys for the play button, Not long after the song came playing in his ears. It slowly penetrated his mind.

A flashback dawned upon his mind as the lyrics flowed on its natural course.

How much time passed, Since our happy memories. I can’t even try, leaving the tender you.

Flashback*

“Kyuhyun-sshi, do you know why the stars are far away?” The girl with the sweetest smile asked.

Kyuhyun shook his head sideways, “No, why?”

She gave him an unfathomable smirk, “Stars, contain many gases and just like how a star lives.. It also dies and when it dies, it explodes. If it was near the earth, it could’ve have affected so many people.”

“Are they like humans?” He questioned, his eyes innocent and pure, she couldn’t help but stroke his pale face.

In the verge of tears she responded, “Yes, in a way they are.”

*End of Flashback

I have to laugh in front of you. I have to have a bright smile but when I think of you I cry. I have to forget you now. I have to erase you from my memories, I leave you now.

Kyuhyun squeezed his shirt, another memory revived within him.

Flashback*

“Kyuhyun-ah~ when will we go out again?” A girl pouted as she remarked, her small and delicate hands reached out to his hands. They were cold but his hands were warm so in a way, they were complimenting each other.

He pinched the girl’s cheek, “You know I’m busy right? I’m really sorry I can’t go.”

“Aigoo, aren’t there any other opportunities?” She tilted her head sideways in attempt to look cute.

He lets out a heart felt laugh, “I’ll treat you ice cream.”

“Cho Kyuhyun do you take me as a kid?”

“Well you do act like one.”

“Yah!” Her footsteps paced forward as she attempted to strangle Kyuhyun.

End of Flashback*

Unconsciously, a lone tear descended upon his cheek. He quickly removes it, the song was reminding too much to him. The song, however, was unwilling to let him go.

If I can meet you just one more time, If you can see me, I will show you my everything, all my hidden love.

Even if I’m not in the world anymore, I will only wish your happiness. Don’t cry, Please don’t cry, I can’t even wipe them away for you.

Kyuhyun muttered, “That day when I left you on the streets, alone. I knew you were about to cry, and even if I’m not with you I know you would still cry… Please don’t. I couldn’t even let you borrow my shoulder.”

I’m afraid that I might see you because my heart might be sad. I’m going to have to leave you now.

His hands were quivering, “I’m such a babo, I am the one who left you and yet I’m the one who is saddened by it.”

Even the common words of “I love you”. Until now I couldn’t even say, “I love you..”

“I love you.. but I never told you that.”

I’ll go to a place where you don’t exist. Like this I’ll erase you from me.

“I’ve been immature. I’ve been foolish in my decisions but the moment I saw him with you, smiling, I knew that I had to forget you.” Her picture was in his hands, they seem reluctant to toss the picture aside but, he gathered his strength to do it anyway.

As time passes by if I can see you, If I can just touch you for one more time, I won’t ever leave.

And it was true, if ever he could, he would.

Lightning flashed along the pouring heavy rain, it seemingly wanted attention from him and when he glimpsed at it, He felt like something was calling him-

Or rather someone.

His hands carefully removed the earphones from his ears and then he ran towards the door. The strength he was collecting within was burning his desire to do something he never did.

Sungmin was about to follow him but Kyuhyun’s movements were too quick and with that he waltzed out the door. Like the wind, he disappeared.

The rain outside was pouring but Kyuhyun never minded it. He knew he was finally ready to do this..

He’s ready to sing the song he never managed to sing to her personally in the end. At least with the strong current of the wind together with the rain the song might probably reach her ears.

Kyuhyun stood against the downpour and with his heart he sings,

“Please don’t after separation still remember the promise after the kiss.

Your forever, no longer belongs to me.

Silently facing dawn, I had a lot of words choked in my throat at that point of time.

Your smile, your happiness not because I, love too much, think too much.

I can feel he’s more suitable than me. Love have to let go, I camouflaged to be cold.

Forced you to break up first…”

He kneeled down and although he seemed crazy to do that, at that time and moment all he knew was that he wanted to sing that. His voice was like an angel, melodious, calming and unforgiving as it strikes the heart. No one’s perfect but his voice was one of the greatest gifts he had.

He continued, “Please forgive me, forgive me for being immature.

Not loving you is an excuse so that you can leave me.

Please forgive the me who wants to possess you selfishly.

Your loneliness just let me bear, change to you, to lead a better place..

Actually I’m more coward than anyone.

Forgive me, I have to pretend to have loved wrongly. Don’t let time rewind, I’m afraid I can’t say it out..”

His last words to his song were, “Forget me totally, love should be willing to let go.”

The tears streamed along with the raindrops as he smiled as a sign of relief.

A girl was crying relentlessly behind a tall tree, she slumped down as she held her knees close to her body like a lost child. She remarked, “That.. was all I wanted to hear from you.. The voice from a remarkable angel..”

Kyuhyun’s face glimmered because of the wet appearance he held, she held her breath as she gazed at the beautiful guy in front of her. He was simply appalling in any way.  Her heart was longing to hug him, to comfort him and to stroke the face that always had her smiling, she didn’t care if he was an idol.

By the expression of his face however, she knew he wanted to set free his memories of his love…

For the unnamed girl..

Who never told him her name.

END

A/N: LOL what a dramatic ending hahaha. Sorry I just felt like making one, Kyuhyun makes me feel emotional xD. I love the guy! Kyuhyun-oppa kyaa~!

By the way, sorry for the korny and cheesy story. Actually, I’m not used to it and yeah, it’s not raining when I was writing this. Oh well.. Done and done!!

Fan account Super show 2 concert

I'm sure everyone who went to the concert will be able to relate to the fact that your mind would be disorganized once you're there xD. And sorry... I can't remember the order of the songs as well. Oh wells.. My fan account isn't as informative and as exciting as others but do try to have fun reading xD. Also I can't detail everything xD. April 10, 2010- one of the best moments of my life.. I thank the Lord for that~

I left the house by 1 pm then I lined up in about 4:05 pm, My goodness that was one of the longest lines I've ever been to but my body was seemingly numbed with all the excitement. My ticket is just gen. admission it's basically like you're just there but it was more than enough for me xD. My dad was like having a sauna in the line, it's so hot >.<. Seriously. Haha.. I bet the other people were curious.

Before the concert started everyone was already basically shouting and I just laughed xD. LOL. They even screamed at Piolo's commercial(A filipino artist) what in the world xD. The commercials boosted their excitement.

"And I can't stop thinking about you girl.." I started chanting all of a sudden, to be honest I just recovered from a slight fever that day xD. But I forgot about it..

Ohmigosh, Sungmin dancing up and down LOL.. It's bizarre? xD. Anyways, their voices were as alluring as how I hear them.. I kept on hitting the girl in front of me (sorry >.<).

When they Super junior started popping out from the stage I went hysterical as well, and the binoculars helped. They're handsome really..

LOL, to be honest my eyes were so focused on Kyuhyun I don't really know if I noticed alot of moments during the concert.

Donghae danced first, and oh yeah now I know what moon walking is.. Wow.. He's so cute, I adored him instantly xD. LOL.

I love their introductions.. I was like 0.0 the whole time when Sungmin did Taekwondo with Yesung copying him xD. Yesung did a back flip.. I think xD.

Kyuhyun said, "I love you Philippines." Am I right? whatever I loved that statement xD.

Eunhyuk is a DJ he interacts with the crowd xD.

Shindong had a copy while trying to say Tagalog words it's so funny xD.

Donghae ran around the stage and bowed LOL such a cutie xD.

Leeteuk said, "Mabuhay!" I responsed in my seat and I was in a verge of jumping over there xD.

The blue lights in the dark dome were beautiful, I was near to crying inside, (argh I couldn't cry throughout what's wrong with me? xD)..

Sungmin was carrying Ryeowok.. Bridal style.. It was awkward but I actually thought they were so adorable that way xD.

Oh my goodness, I can't forget Siwon lifting Heechul's shirt ;_; I dunno why in the world xD. what fan service. And Yes I saw Eunhyuk and Donghae hug. It was kinda long and .. I thought it was cute xD. I wished Eunhyuk would go to our area and at least look at my binoculars (Like what Kyuhyun did ..>.< I melted that time. xDD.) Yesung was holding on to Kyuhyun somewhere <3 <3

The SOLOS..

Sungmin's solo song was Baby Baby.. It's cute his voice is cute.. and his hair was long 0.0 but at any rate he's still lovable xD.

Henry danced( was it Henry? lol my memory is blur maybe it was donghae.) there were two girls and I was like "OMG what are you people doing to him?" I was just over reacting hahaha.

Kyuhyun sang, Oh gosh no words can describe how I was stunned by his voice. He's so.. handsome and his skin is so porcelain-like in other words (He's my dream guy lol)

Eunhyuk his eyeliner is thick but gosh I love the guy so much too xD. He dances so well so cool xD. He's handsome as well... waah xD.

Leeteuk is so cool, I like his presence(Although I wasn't pleased with the girls though lol joke xD)

Siwon- the only one I was only able to catch up with all the lyrics xD. Goodness his voice is deep~ Who am I.. He thanked the Lord T.T I Love him, God bless you Siwon!

Ryeowok- This guy has such a cute cute voice! The pitch is so high my dad thought it was a girl LOL. Haha. I love him too anyways.

Siwon stripped his shirt and the abs don't let me describe them xDD. Haha.

Leeteuk removed his vest and I shouted along haha what's with me ? xD.

Yesung I tried copying his voice that day but man.. I just ended up triggering my cough xD.

Henry played the violin, the guy is so epic! I loved him xD. He's so cute.. It's my first time to realize that xD.

Zhoumi - He looked like Leeteuk at one point so I was confused but he has a nice voice <3

Group songs

Super Girl - I managed to sing along <3.. I love the energy here..

They were acting cute that I was so so happy xD. Especially hyukjae~

Sorry Sorry- LOL finally the only song I managed to finish memorizing xD. Love love them here.. Too bad 3 weren't there >.<.

Marry U- I was so speechless.. It was my dream to here this live and they fulfilled it!.. Eunhyuk kneeled in front but Yesung ? was kneeling at our area.. I felt like they were really proposing xD. I was near to hyperventilating. xD. I felt like crying ;_;.. Super junior didn't expect to have so many fans here.. well they worked hard and I thank God for them..

I have another speculation in what I observed. did I just see Heechul and Eunhyuk hug?? LOL whatever..

LOL I had no idea that was the reason why Eunhyuk's face was priceless (read allkpop for info xD).

One thing: Filipino E.L.F.S made the SS2 concert of Super Junior epic. ;D. I will treasure this memory forever.

(Can't get over Kyuhyun smiling and looking while I was peering at the binoculars ;_;) Haha.

Super Junior approaching!

Wooh April 10 is near!

I'm so excited XD. Honestly, it's my first time to go to a KPOP concert and I thank God for this opportunity with my dad.

In case you want to know what I'm preparing for the concert Here it is.

• Placards (don't dare asking why lol. joke joke xD.)
• Binoculars (since I just bought a gen admission ticket I don't think I'll see anything more than a stick? xD)
• a flashlight (again don't ask why xD.)
• Maybe print a super junior ticket
• Yes I'm in my own world.
• I want to bring a camera but it's not allowed D;

The sad thing is.. 3 of them are not there. out of 13, 3 of them are not coming..

I pray that they'd get through this safely, (Kibum is perfectly okay though, he's just busy acting.)..

After this I plan to go to the U-kiss concert in May 29.. I don't know what the possibilities of me going but I'll do it!.

I'm just enjoying before college because I doubt I'll get any opportunity after that.

Love you Suju! Hwaiting!

Binguel Bingeul

Somebody help me!! I Love U-KISS so much now!! xD.


LOL whatever.

Kevin is such a cutie, he's like an angel promise!!
Alexander is such a funny guy , he's so cute~
Soohyun has such a nice voice.
Eli has such a hot voice.. if that even makes sense but I love his rap ;D.
Kiseop has a worked out body and he's as talented as any of the members.
Kibum is so responsible which I appreciate ;D.
Dongho, do you even want me to say it? He's so cute!! (he's younger than me! LOL xD)

These guys deserve the fame and love because they are so talented and yes I'm addicted to their accent when they speak in english and yes they are so hardworking and close to each other.
If only they were all mine along with SHINee. LOL  sorry forget I said that XD.

So sad though, just knew them last year.. I just reached their man man ha ni time. Like how I reached SHINee's Juliette xD.

DBSK (sorry I'm just saddened by what I heard but always keep the faith! :D)

Bias aside, I really love Kevin in everything .. (okay that was so not bias aside.)

Anyone who'll read this please forgive me, I have a tendency to speak of my own delusions of grandeur.

xD. Ahaha.

Saranghaeyo U-KISS! Hwaiting!!~

I can be so untruthful to myself.

I feel so crazy to actually help the guy I have liked for 5 years to confess to a girl he NEVER had a chance on.

He treats me as his friend, I wish he didn't say that. I just want to erase him away like how an eraser does.

Songs can quadraple my emotions. I feel so weird >.<

Pretending to be okay takes some real skills..

Lord, why did I have to like a guy like him? He's nothing like what I've prayed for and I know that I have no future with a guy like that. Lord where is the one you created for me? I'll just wait.

This song is so sad.. Credits go to the uploader and the ones who subbed the vid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGcZ4Q6t2fI&feature=related

This line >> "I have to laugh in front of you I have to have a bright smile, but when I think of you I cry."

Why is this song speaking to me? LOL nevermind xD.

Anyways.. DBSK's voices are so beautiful, I miss them ~ and SHINee too >.<

Happiness! Haengbok!

Weeeh Super happy..

Why?

Nothing just combine all the reasons I have left in the world.. wooh!!

Thanks for the fun in the youth service, well the bonding was short but I loved it !! Thank you guys! I love you all! Saranghamnida!

All the excitement made me hungry LOL.

Oh well, have fun with life.. who's life? LOL nevermind

purasuchikku

Wow..

I never thought I'd garner so many haters within the school years..

Although I didn't really mean to.. It still happened..

I thought the others would be different.

Turns out, they're really mad at me just because of kpop. Sorry then if I liked Kpop. Maybe my best friend was right about the story he made.

T.T I feel like crying a hundred buckets of tears. I wonder how I ever lived with this kind of environment??

I feel uneasy.. They keep doing it behind my back.. Just tell me straight??
I knew that the paper incident would cause alot of chaos to "them". Well, I know none of "them" would read this anyway.

It hurts so much.. >.< Although I don't hate anyone,their hatred is penetrating within me.

They think I'm a stalker, maybe in a way I am.. Because it's up to me to know what they are up to..

Sometimes I felt like someone should change their names from _ _ _ _ to "Plastics" . Cause they really are, they smile to me as if nothing was wrong then they'd say something different after that.

I want to graduate REALLY REALLY soon. I hate this situation I'm in..

Lord please help me, Why are they like this to me? They are suppose to be christians right?? Then Why??

zan'nen na koto da kesshite jūbun na karera no tame ni .
korera no on'nanoko wa eikyō ryoku ga, baai wa , ta no hisoka ni mo watashi wo nikumu yō ni watashi wa odoroi te i nai .

watashi wa sotsugyō ni nari mashi ta shi masu . 

 

〜 da to watashi wa utsukushii tte iu no kōtei teki na sokumen de , watashi wa manzoku shi te iru .  

kami wa , watashi ni jibun wo kontorōru shi te kudasai . 

 

 

Age does not matter ne? Haha.. XD

 Wow.

I got curious when I read something from the comments of a certain video that Eunhyuk has a crush on IU. Haha cute XD.

Though I'm not a very large fan of SuJu or Eunhyuk and I'm just a recent fan of IU. I do say that they are cute XDD. Haha.

Well maybe minus the fact that they are 10 years apart? Eunhyuk is said to be 24 and IU is my age so 16. Haha. XD.

Well you know what they say, age does not matter XD.

Good luck to Eunhyuk, But I think they have more of a sibling relationship.

Anyway, age does not matter as long as there is love,
LOL cheesy much?

Haha..
IU, you are one blessed creation from God ;D if only you knew. Or maybe you do know.

A girl like IU is very rare these days, cute, incredible singing voice and plus can play the guitar <3..

She's adorable and she's just my age!! XD

Haha.. that's all. Just mumbling some stuff..

I'm so hopelessly falling for this guy ;_;

Onew.. Lee jinki..dubu..

WHY? Wae?

His voice always makes me feel like crying, it's so beautiful and meaningful. His every breath and voice is so.. breathtaking..

omo.. His smile is so sweet..

I just watched videos of him singing and now I'm starting to be emotionally overwhelmed. I so love this guy, he's the apple of my eye. Thank God he ever existed, Lord please, I want a guy like him.

Oh wells.. Just being sentimental and nostalgic over his beautiful beautiful voice .. ;_;

I love you Onew, I really do.. <3

Let's say "party!" Dorky XD.

New rant?? Nevermind.

watashi wa shōgakkō irai , anata ga suki da~tsu ta .

watashi wa korera subete no kanjō wo shōkyo shi tai  , sore wa min'na no tame ni aki ni wa shōgai de wa nai kanojo.


karera wa subete no riyū ga aru, kanojo wa kanari no , kashikoi to shinsetsu .
watashi wa shitto de wa nai, watashi wa sutoresu wo kanjiru. zetsubō teki kamo shire nai romanchikku na ？

sō anata wa watashi wo yobidasu koto ga deki masu..

korera no hito ga watashi wo nikumu 

nomi no baai watashi wa karera ni tachimukau chikara ga aru . 

 

watashi ijō ni taeru ni wa yūki to tsuyo sa ga hitsuyō desu . 

 

sumāto na hito ga 1nin no yō ni kōdō suru hitsuyō ga ari masu ..

내가 뭘 SHINee 자신의 "기타"팬들이 있는지 알고 을텐데.

 

나는 그들도 화를 그들을 미워하지 않습니다, 

하지만 난 그들이 존경 뭔지 알아 버렸으면 좋겠어.

 

만큼 그들이 선을 넘지 말고, 내가 견딜 게요..

 

fine that's all!

Onew.Onew.Onew.

 I learned alot from mom and ever since that time I knew what I wanted to pray for in a partner, of course I may prefer to be single. But at any rate, if the Lord destined someone for me because of my prayers, who knows?

Oh Lord, I may sound desperate but I really want a guy who strongly walks in faith in Your name and someone who is similar to Onew.

Okay, I have not seen him personally but I promise that I love Onew so much.

He's everything I have so prayed for in all my years of my life. Of course if they were to ask me, I'd like to take Onew instead XD. Haha. Jokez. But I may accept that haha XD.

WHY YOU ASK?

1.) He's smart
He worked hard to become 2nd in his school. I'm amazed, he studied at the library alone with so much determination.

2.) He has a great singing voice
He's gifted to have that soft tone in his voice and he's even more blessed to have the soothing effect in people. His singing ability may not be the top for others, but for me he is certainly one of the best <3.

3.) He's playful
Oh how I adore playful guys (Just not too much.) But guys who are playful get me all "jiggy" haha LOL.
He is so similar to a child even if he's the oldest.

4.) He has a great smile.
The first time I saw his smile, I was awed with the beauty it held, never seen such yet in my life. It's so sweet and pure ~ His eyes are smiling too. Whatever, his smile can melt my heart until it turns all liquid **I'm being cheesy**

5.) He is HOT and handsome
Whoever denies this must go to a doctor and ask the problem  of their heat and their eyes.
Haha. Every angle of his pose is <3

6.) He is random (Onew sangtae)
He's the only guy I know that has a condition like that, I find it tremendously cute but at the same time, he should be careful because it involves him falling.

Well no one is perfect right??

LOL random typing ..

I just want Onew or someone like him already.

I feel so bad, why am I so foolish in so many ways? I don't know.

..If only I could then I would.

If only I can change the circumstances I am going through.

If only I can make them understand what I am feeling, and what I am going through.

I love them all but sometimes there are certain limits as to how far it can go.

If only I could go back to the past and mend things, if only I could show the true me at the present so the future may have its coherence of path.

I know I regret every single thing I did in life and I know that these things are just bouncing back. To be honest, I'm afraid of what may happen but Lord please help me.

Also sorry for all the things I have done because it has caused an irreparable effect to me.

I don't want to bother anyone..

I know that I can do this and I do not want to drag anyone down with my problems.

The Lord is with me always and so I believe that I'll surpass this.

Oh God, I pray that you'd protect me.

Please forgive me..

Anyway..

All I can say is..

"I love everyone and nothing will change that fact. I may fall down a thousand times but still, I will stand up becauseI know that everything will come to past."

Especially sorry to my classmates.. >.<

credits to its rightful owners.

God bless the world..

Confuzzled

Waahh I want Hello Baby Season 2 to show up already.. Am so excited XD haha..

Onew ~ weeh such a dedicated guy.

Jonghyun~ I wasn't that surprised with your answer Jjong you seem like a bachelor type of guy ;D haha..

Key~ As expected from the mother of SHINee haha XD.. I<3 it..

Minho- yesh you handsome creature you get to take care of a baby!

Taemin - Baby~ You have another playmate..

aigoo.. hahaha XD

Nevermind..

This is part of being a fangirl..

Putting that aside..

Shall I go to Suju's concert??????????? haha

I want to but what if SHINee comes within the year then?

Honestly,

between SHINee and Suju..

I'd still pick SHINee.. hahaha.. Because I so love them XDD.

Oh wells. happiness~! Haengbokke ! XD

A JS Prom account

An old story of a little girl who had to endure everything for the sake of something they call , "Love" but no one knows if that is what they really felt at that moment. But at that certain moment, they just know that they can produce two things, heartbreak and happiness.

Js Prom

The Last dance.

The Last Dance is something highschool students value as much as they value the First Dance. Why Exactly?

The First dance probably means, "You are the first one I saw among the crowd." Or something like that while The Last dance probably means, "You're the only person I'd like to share my last moments with."

Whatever it is, they have this tendency of  giving the first and last dance some importance. 

There was one girl who never really cared who her first and last dance was, she never really minded  but she knew though that somewhere in her heart she's waiting for someone to approach her and say, "Can you be my last dance?" 

But she knew that this is reality and she knew the chances of that happening is near to zero. 

The girl is named Megu..

Anyway, why was it impossible for her to have the last dance to someone who admires so much?

Let's call the guy Kaito K, this guy is a total package for anyone that may know him.

 Why? He's intelligent,he's charismatic,kind,responsible,playful and he's a really good leader.

Megu's friends kept on teasing Kaito K and as a result... He remained distanced from her. Megu was unsure in why he was distancing her, she only had two theories.

It's either he's angry at her or he's simply feeling awkward with it, she most likely stuck to the second theory.

The Night was getting deeper during that moment and the clock is near to striking its hands to 12 midnight .

Everyone was getting their last dances immediately for that night and soon the whole dance floor was covered with couples. Megu took notice of Yula who is seated at her left, and not much to my surprise, there were three hands offering her their last dance.

Who is Yula? Yula is also Megu's classmate. Yula is popular, especially because of her beautiful face and intelligent brain. It wasn't a surprise for Megu to see that kind of scenario. There was one thing that shocked her though. Kaito K was one of the three offering her the last dance and the other one is Megu's classmate as well named Kaito J. The other one is Mike who is a senior and is one year older than the two. She stared at the three and then she shifted her gaze to Yula.

What is she going to do? She's probably bothered and confused about her situation.

In Megu's heart, she wished that Yula would pick Kaito K so that she can see him happy but at the same time half of her emotions wanted her to let Kaito K be rejected so that she can comfort him but Megu knew that at the very least the second idea presents absurdness.

Time stood still as Megu cheered for Yula to choose one already. Each time she cheered, she felt like her heart was being torn to pieces but she still continued on.


Soon Mike pulled Yula away from them and she couldn't resist his pulling anymore, Megu could see her looking sorry to the two Kaitos left standing by the table. Megu took a glimpse of them, she felt so sorry for them and it pained her heart to see Kaito K looking so dejected. From that moment on she knew that when Yula rejected Kaito K for the last dance, it was the last moment he'll ever hold on to her.

Megu started crying but only inside her heart, no tears formed during that time. All that preoccupied her brain was, How come a guy like him got rejected?


Soon JS Prom ended. It was the end of happy last moments and the last day Kaito K would ever be too serious about a girl because if only Yula knew that she was his first and last..

A year later, Another classmate of Megu told her of what Kaito K really feels. She was shocked in how the topic opened but nevertheless, she listened intently. All the words jumbled at her mind and she knew about how Kaito K got close with Yula without even having a conversation at school, but one sentence replayed on her mind.

"They said that so many girls admire me and that so many girls fell in-love with me but..
Why is it that the only girl I ever truly loved never loved me back?"  Kaito K said this and during that moment Megu found herself in a turbulence of emotions.

That day when she got home, hot tears formed in her eyes and soon they all rolled down her cheeks. She doesn't know why she was crying but there were many possible reasons...


Was she crying because the only girl Kaito K ever loved never loved him back? Or was she crying because that girl that would be inside Kaito K's heart would never be her?

Who was she really crying for? Is it for herself? or for him?


Megu released all  her emotions that day, she killed her strong feelings for him. There may be a lingering feeling with it but she knew that she'd never hope for him again.

End..

Take note that there are some parts I just exaggerated to add drama. Hahaha.. hope you enjoyed!

Ate Rhoan - read it read it!!

IU ♥ ♥

This girl is so talented! My goodness she's just 16 like me! I like her voice plus she's really pretty plus she can play the guitar!

LOEN entertainment must be so blessed to discover this girl. I don't understand why anyone can hate this girl they're just jealous.

I mean she's so adorable! I love her covers, her acoustic versions of covers are so soothing.. I can listen to all of them just to fall asleep.

LOL I'm starting to like solo artists as well, I like IU now.

From now on I'm your fan! Hahaha.

If you're curious just type IU in youtube and you'll see her name.. weeeh. Go IU! Hahaha.. lolli lolli~

Don't mind me.. Haha

Kevin (wooohh)

Oh my gosh. I like U-KISS more now haha.

Kevin is so cute and prettier than me (LOL joking but he is cute..)

These guys are so good in english, and they can sing, and they can smile and they can dance and then and then.. **breathes**


They are so adorkable~

At any rate stay strong for Onew! okay I sound crazy but seriously I love guys who can speak and sing like that ;D

that ends it..

I was just randomnly spazzing and I might lose strength if I continue doing this everyday haha..

YOU album is finally in my hands!! <33 Onew looks so handsome! And Key looks so so so beautiful his skin literally glistens..
I read too much fanfics.

I'm really ending it. Bye guys!

School days Return

So much for vacation. Man I'm so not into the idea of going back to school..

All of a sudden I just had this sudden impulse of wanting to go homeschool but I'm reminded that I just have to put up with everything for 3 months. But still... that's one more quarter to go.

Sometimes I wish I was an honor student too >.< so that I wouldn't be so problematic about grades and hopefully.. nah nevermind still I love who I am right now.

Besides, school wouldn't be that much of a school day since there are many events that will be filling up within the school days but still there are classes.

Oh nevermind I'm too happy.. Squees ** weeehh..

I love that fanfic from SFI I'm getting alot of inspirations. (Hopefully I'd end up with a decent result out of those "inspirations") Haii I still have to practice and I'm getting numb from all the typing I'm doing now. LOL I'm such a lazy person when it comes to typing.

I love you God hopefully you'd make me stronger.

I have to stay stronger.. or else school might push me beyond my own sanity. Oh whatever, let them have a time of their lives by bullying it's not like I will fight back.

I get so much strength from all the others, why stress myself over few people?

In any rate..

I still love my classmates, I've always did. And I always longed to make things right in front of them but maybe well it's their own deduction with the series of events.

Well, I just pray that God would provide them a happy and good life.

Anyway, I wish and hope that SHINee would have their concert someday.. and that someday.. hopefully, I'd be ready.

I still think something's wrong with my writing LOL. I'll learn don't worry XD. In time..

Random spazzing..

**Waaah Key's abs he has them despite his stature.. well he's so handsome superrrrr!

My Onew I adore you too~

Okay this is getting out of hand~

Ja ne..

If ever you read this, please bear with my awkwardness. XDD

The Diva

So.. I need inspiration but I crave to make stories like this so yeah. I'm testing my mind's writing state. LOL.
Ahaha.. This is a fic I need to make to prove some things. Arasso? haha.. Also calm down for the first part okay? =D
Everyone's free to read and comment..
Not too harsh haha but I appreciate some constructive criticisms and some praises as well lol.. haha..
So here..
It's a Keycole fic but well I'm not sure if this fic suits them.. oh well haha XDD..
I mean Key and Nicole>From Kara
A late christmas and new year gifts to you guys.
_________________________________________________________________________________

The Diva

They said Key is feminine and so it leads them to think he's gay.

Sometimes I can't blame them because he does things guys don't ordinarily do and then I can't help but to say that we are similar in one way or another. So if anyone sees Key and they don't get to know him they'll think he's gay.

I'm Nicole by the way, Key's closest friend. In one point of view we may seem more than that but then it's just Key's nature. What nature? It's in his nature to treat girls nicely so sometimes I'm... I'm.. j.. oh nevermind.

I was staring at the list I made last night about the reasons why people think he's gay, I listed about 5 of them and I have some evidence for each fact stated about him. Don't get me wrong though these people are just fooled by these guy's initiative actions. Because behind each reason is an action I believe only a true guy would do.

1.) Key does household chores.

Okay at first I thought, Isn't it ordinary to do household chores?  But then I realized what made Key different. He did household chores within his OWN initiative. Not because he had to or not because he was told to do so, he just.. wanted it that way..

 Dec 20, 2009

I came home from the park and I saw Key arranging my books in order, from letter a to z and 1 to 10. I asked him, "What are you doing here?"

He pursed his lips and then he gave me a smile saying, "Your mom went out, she told me to clean the house for her."

"She did?" I asked in disbelief, I mean would my mom just suddenly leave?

Key then confessed, "Uhm, your mom really didn't ask me to clean your house I asked her to let me clean the house."

My eyes widened to what I heard, "Why would you do that?"

Key just responded with another dorky smile and from that I already knew his answer. I looked at the bookshelf as Key was arranging it and I saw labels on each of them so I wouldn't forget how to return it. Key..kibum..

2.) Second, he nags me in a never ending manner, no actually everyone.

Dec 21,2009

Christmas is near and because of that all the gift wrappers were scattered at my room, I was about to clean it that instance but then Key beat me to it he told me, "Why did you leave the wrappers like that? Also have you wrapped the presents for your other friends? Have you eaten? Did you exercise?"

I pulled Key's face and I got him to look straight at me eyes, "Key-sshi you are randomnly nagging me again."

 "I was?"

"Yes."

Key grinned, he pulled away from my grip and he said, "Sorry baby."  in his own english accent and of course in response to his petty reply I said, "It's okay baby."

We both laughed but after that he nagged me to fix the bed before leaving. He pushed me to the bedroom and he pointed at the messy bedsheet and the blanket and pillows. Key brushed my hair behind my ear whispering,"When I get back this must be clean."

He's torturing me when he speaks like that, his breath entering my ears, his heartbeat beating against my back, it was more I could take.

3.) He acts like an umma/mother.

 Although are houses are practically different he acts as if he lives in our house and he acts as if he was my mother. My mom didn't mind the fact that Key was doing all the scolding and cleaning in the house. In fact I think my mom likes Key. Oh no.

Dec. 22, 2009

"Where is Hara and the others?" Key bombarded me with that question the moment he saw me sweating from all the historical running I went through. Why was I running? I'll give you a small sneak peak of it..

 They say Key is gay but why would fangirls go for him so much?

Afternoon that day.. *flashback*

"Oi!" I heard a girl exclaim as I was walking towards the east direction so I would get home. I wondered who was calling me but since no one exclaimed after that I ignored it and then a girl about my age wearing pigtails shoved me saying, "How dare you mess with our Key!"

"We're just friends, besides he's like an umma why like him?" Okay I know I was being absurd to say that just to keep fangirls away from key. So there I sparked their anger and one of them screamed, "You take that back!! We don't care who you are anymore."

I got scared when all the other girls came out from all directions, so when they came after me I knew my only option was to run away.

*end of flashback*

"Hey, Nicole! Why are you sweating? Did you go to a club?"

I flicked his forehead,"Pabo, I'm not even 20 yet to be allowed to to such places."

Key sat beside me in the sofa, he placed his hand over my chest, "Your heartbeat is irregular, you probably ran with all your life. What were you running away from?"

I muttered, "Your crazy fans."

Like a mother his instincts and sense of hearing is strong. Key shook my shoulders, "Are you hurt?"

"Except for a broken train of thoughts.. no I don't know."

Key looked at my feet, "You ran in heels and now your feet got all dirty and kinda bloody."

He grabbed me and pulled me to the toilet then he wiped my feet with a wet towel. Everything was quiet after that. Having a mom like him would probably be great. Haha.. maybe..

4.) He's such a diva, he memorized all girl dances of girl groups.

Only he would do that. Other guys would just admire the girls and their dances but this guy dances it with so much overflowing charisma. He even dances to the songs of Kara which is my.. group.

Dec. 23, 2009 

This day I was asked by mom AND dad to deliver some cookies to Key's house. I rarely go to his house because.. well.. it just felt different for me. I knocked at the Kim's residence, "Hello, is there anyone there? Jung Nicole here, I brought some cookies."

No answer.

I knocked louder again, still no answer. I figured that maybe they just didn't hear it and so I invited myself in. I looked around and I hear some music coming from.. Key's room.

Slowly, I tiptoed to his room and I peeked through the door.

Sowaneul malhaebwa~

What in the world is kibum doing? I took a glimpse again and I gasped,"He's dancing to Genie but.. for what?"

Because I leaned at the door too much I accidentally revealed myself to Key. He stopped for a moment, "Hello, what brings you here?"

"Oh my mom told me to give you and your mom and dad these cookies. But where are your parents?"

Key stopped the music player and he plopped at the bed and replied, "Umma went shopping for christmas gifts." 

That's unusual of him he likes shopping.

"Why didn't you go with your mom then?"

Key was averting his eyes away from mine he haphazardly responded,"I had some plans."

"What plans?"

He gave me a mischievous look, "Curious?"

I decided to change the topic because the look in his face is kinda scaring me but then he changes it into a simper. I decided to ask him something,"Why were you dancing to Genie?" 

Although I expected for a clearer explanation all he told me was, "It's just a hobby."   

5. He's in-love with his hyung? 

This is what got me the most and the very reason why people doubt him at times but I'm kinda rest assured despite the things he told me that I remembered.

Dec. 24, 2009  

It was cold that day, VERY cold. It was snowing actually and the whiteness of the snow just covered the entire area and I see Onew-oppa and Jonghyun-oppa with Key. Key's in the middle and is seemingly having the time of his life.

I saw them and Onew-oppa gave me his usual child-like smile and Jonghyun-oppa was all hyper.

Onew-oppa told me, "Take care of this guy! He told us he had to go home." Jonghyun-oppa pushed Key towards me and I almost lost balance. I gave Key my petty smile, "Happy huh?"

Key fixed himself then he chirped to me happily,"Onew-hyung gave me this scarf! And he was happy with the Onew cake I gave him! Jonghyun-hyung was happy too!"

My mind was working on its own and I became curious, "How about Minho? and Taemin?"

Key suddenly blurted out, "I spent hours on their gifts so they were so happy especially my taeminnie."

How about my gift Pabo.

I thought of saying that but nevermind it's just christmas eve anyway. Besides.. ahh nevermind.

Key was being hyper the whole time after that and he kept saying things like, "Will this fit Taemin?" "Will Jonghyun-hyung like this?" My eyes were just constantly following him as I put up my usual smiles. Key, kibum. What will I do to you?

 In the end Key did not show any signs of greeting me or even giving me a gift.

As I stared at the list I made along with some evidences I fell asleep. My sleep fell into such a deep dream that I didn't realize the things that were coming for me.

Dec. 25,2009 ; 4 am 

I was well.. sleeping but I felt a presence that seemed to be watching me as I sleep. When my eyes opened I saw Key, "Kibum-ah you even appear so real to me." I tried to put it that way but I could feel his cheeks in my hands. Is he for real?

"Nicole." His voice dominated inside my head I stared at him and unable to say anything, "Why are you here so early?"

Key motioned me to follow him, I changed my clothes and I followed him eagerly. What does he want?

At a certain park I could see christmas lights of different colors and I see cd player. I started to wonder why.

"Key why are we here? and in so early in the morning?" I yawned as I groggily looked around, the view was just beautiful with the lights and it wasn't even night time. Mayeb it doesn't matter since it's dark.

Key gave me a chair to sit on. There was this huge tree that had a platform surrounding it, Key inserted something into the cd player.

Music comes out and then Key positioned himself in the platform.

Turn it up

Just turn it up

That's right, c'mon

Sowoneul malhaebwa

Ni mamsokae itneun jageun ggoomeul malhaebwa

Ni meolieh itneun isanghyungeul geulyuhbwa

Geuligo naleul bwa

Nan nuh eh genie ya, ggoomiya, genie ya

Key danced gracefully to Genie and I don't even know how he does it. His movements were swift and I'm actually touched. He looked at my eyes and he sang, "Tell me your wish."

I laughed alot after that and I don't think I could recover from it soon.

"So that was why you were dancing alone." I told Key in a teasing tone.

The wind rustled the leaves and it blew against my face, Key asked me, "Do you think I'm gay?"

"Why did you think I thought you were like that?"

He showed me the list I was holding last night .. how..

"Well?" Gosh I could tell he's serious.

As much as I wanted to ease that mind of his all I could do was answer, "Ahh.. Well I was just speculating."

"Do you need a proof then?" Key smirked and it seemed new to me but his face turned into frustrated one.

He bent his knees in front of me, "I'm not gay Nicole."

"Well, I know that."

He stood up and before I knew it his lips were in contact with mine. He hugged me tightly and he was unwilling to let go just yet. I was unable to breathe but strange of me not to pull away. Key did anyway. He gave me his present, it was a scarf that was knitted for me and my initials were there. J.N.

"Do you still think I could be a girl?"

I practically smiled with all my might, "I never thought you were.. I just knew you were unique.."

Merry Christmas to me and to SHINee's Diva Key.

END

Well?? LOL I loved writing this!! I could totally imagine Key Aigooo...~